KEPPELER: Stranger in a strange land

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Jill Keppeler

March 18, 2010

Anonymous The Tonawanda News The Tonawanda News Thu Mar 18, 2010, 01:26 AM EDT

— — I’m not too bad with computers.

That is to say, I can generally operate one without it blowing up. I can figure out most common basic programs with a manual, some research and some time and I can often troubleshoot the more common issues with my work and home machines.

I’ve never even tried to use the CD drive as a cup-holder!

But now ... now I’m in for it. With my family, I’m looking to buy a new computer for the first time in ... ready? ... 10 years.

Yes, really.

I’m not sure how computer years work out ... are they like dog years? ... but I’m pretty sure that means the machine my family has now is downright decrepit.

It certainly acts that way: cranky, crotchety and touchy, liable to shut down and grumble at the slightest insult, painfully slow at times and just fine at others. And no matter how swift our Internet service, surfing the Web remains slow as molasses in January, to borrow one of my grandfather’s favorite phrases.

My friend’s iPhone can do more, faster and more reliably, than my computer. That smarts.

Despite its great age, we need the machine for necessary tasks (my husband uses it daily for work) and we’ve entrusted oodles of documents and photos and projects to its iffy memory. Not a good situation. And so, it’s time for something new.

And therein lies the problem.

I remember the standards I poured over way back when, in the long-ago year 2000, when that-guy-I’m-dating (now my husband) and I looked at computers. Piece of cake, right? They’re surely a little different now, but how hard can it be?

A few weeks ago, I walked into an electronics store and browsed the computer section — and abruptly had a lot more sympathy for my parents.

How much memory is appropriate now? Which operating system are we on? Do we need a new monitor? Do we really need “ultrafast 5 ms response time?”

And what on earth does “E7500, 8GB DDR3 SDRAM, DVD±RW/CD-RW” mean, anyway?

I feel ignorant. And, yeah ... a little old.

I hate that.

I’m notoriously leery of people who try to sell me things (even when I wish to purchase said things), so I’m trying to find ways of doing a little research before confronting the nice folks at the computer store.

All the Web sites I find, though, seem to be geared toward either Computer Mega-Geek or Doesn’t-Know-How-To-Use-A-Mouse. Even after everything, I still hope I’m somewhere near the middle.

I used to tease my mom for needing to be walked through relatively simple computer tasks. I don’t think I’ll do that anymore. I know right now, I’d love to have someone to walk me through the computer selection process.

At any rate, the quest will continue, and I’ll bet I’ll probably get a few more columns out of it before we figure things out.

In the meantime, I’m still looking for more information — so I don’t accidentally purchase enough memory to run the Death Star.

Maybe I should ask my

5-year-old.

Jill Keppeler is a columnist and page designer for the Tonawanda News. She can be reached at jill.keppeler@tonawanda-news.com.

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