Forget it. The spammers have won. For a time I thought that, maybe, somebody out there would finally come up with a solution that would rid us of e-mail spam for good. Someone would create a foolproof spam filter. I was “Holding Out for a Hero,” a la Bonnie Tyler.

But now, like Ms. Tyler, I feel I’ve suffered a “Total Eclipse of the Heart” when it comes to spam, the digital cockroach.

Spammers have shamed telemarketers and junk mail through their sheer quantity of junk, even though nobody pays any attention to spam. See spam, delete spam. It’s become a natural reflex. At least with telemarketers you could feel a bit guilty for hanging up on another human being.

Considering I wrote about a “technology gap” last week, I should take this time to clear one thing up. In the context of this column, I’m speaking of unsolicited junk e-mail. I do not speak of Spam, the canned meat, as I wish no ill will toward the good folks at Hormel Foods.

Spam (the meat) has always gotten a bad rap and spam (the e-mail) certainly isn’t making things any better. At least Hormel has Hawaii. Spam (again, the meat) is exceedingly popular in the 50th state. But I’m guessing even the Hawaiians don’t have much love for the other kind of spam (yes, the e-mail).

E-mail spam is certainly annoying, but my biggest problem with it nowadays is the utter lack of originality. Spammers now appear content to merely bombard us. Where are the tricks that make me want to open that e-mail?

For instance, here are a few recent spam message subjects I’ve received: “Re: Hello Laura.” I never sent an e-mail saying hello to any Laura. Mark as spam.

“Make a regular income with Google.” Something tells me it’s not a job offer with the company. Mark as spam.

“Goodday.” Apparently a deceased Australian willed a fortune to his next-of-kin and for some reason the Irish government is involved, and, oh forget it. I don’t even want the promised half of his fortune if I have to read through this gibberish. Australian, ey? I guess it’s different than Nigerian, and I’ll give them credit for that. I don’t know how you found me, “Barrister George Bannett,” but you’ll have to find someone else to help you get rich. I bid you “goodday.” Mark as spam.

But no matter how many e-mails you mark as spam, spam keeps leaving its mark on your inbox.

Tonawanda News Sports Editor Jay Skurski has had a little more luck with his spam. I envy the original e-mails he gets from the likes of “lunch” and “beef jerky” — two of the nouns that have graced Jay’s inbox in spam form.

Of course, spam isn’t limited to e-mail. There’s all kinds of electronic spam, including instant messaging spam and the old classic, junk faxes.

It’s never going to end. You’ve won, spammers. I suppose I’ll see your e-mails for the rest of my life. But would it kill you to come up with something new? No more money scams or “cheap meds.”

And one more thing. Leave Spam (the meat) out of this. It’s been through enough already.

Phil Dzikiy is a staff reporter for the Tonawanda News. His column appears every Thursday. Contact him at 693-1000, ext. 114 or by e-mail at dzikiyp@gnnewspaper.com.